Ten Common False Pursuits of Eating Disorders

The following ten falsehoods are what men/women with eating disorders pursue in place of, and often at the expense of, emotional nourishment in their lives:

1. An eating disorder can give a false sense of control. Many who suffer from eating disorders experience a tremendous fear of losing control or “not being in control.” Experiencing vulnerability and trust in a safe relationship and environment is a beginning step towards healing.
2. Eating disorders are a false form of communication about pain and suffering. People with eating disorders eventually recognize that their behaviors are an indirect way of communicating. Healing comes out of directness and honesty in their relationship with themselves and others.
3. An eating disorder can give false sense of being the exception or exceptional. The pursuit and feeling of being special or unique can be a tremendous barrier to recovery from eating disorders. Healing can start when there are no special rules or requirements for them that are different from other people.
4. An eating disorder can be a false crusade for evidence and proof against self. In time, a woman with an eating disorder uses the very eating disorder itself as her evidence that she is bad, unacceptable, and deserving of punishment. The truth is that the illness is not who they are. Healing begins when they separate who they are from what they do.
5. An eating disorder can be a false pursuit of perfection. Women with eating disorders have deceived themselves into thinking that if they obtain perfection in their bodies, in self-control over their bodies, or in body image, that somehow this perfection will make up for their other perceived inadequacies and failures. Healing occurs when these women learn that it is okay to make mistakes, and that through their mistakes and learning processes, the journey becomes a positive one instead of a negative one.
6. An eating disorder can be a false form of comfort and safety. For many, eating disorder relieve anxiety and help them avoid painful emotions. True safety and comfort for these women comes from loving and accepting relationships and from knowing that they are not alone in facing the ups and downs of life.
7. An eating disorder can give a false identity and perception of self. Women with severe eating disorders talk about how the eating disorders has become their identity. By treating the eating disorder as who they are, then what they believe is, “nobody could accept me as an eating disorder.” Believing that others can accept all of them with their strengths and weaknesses and do so unconditionally, is an experience that can help in the recovery process.
8. An eating disorder can be false compensation for the past. Sometimes an eating disorder is an attempt to compensate or make up for past childhood abuse or trauma, family problems, and sometimes past personal mistakes. Letting go of the past is a process in which they can dismiss what they cannot correct from the past and ask for help to do things differently in the present and future.
9. An eating disorder can be a false attempt to avoid responsibility for life. An eating disorder can become a tremendous explanation and justification for the absence of an abundant life. One cannot change something or let go of something until they first take ownership for it. Healing occurs when proper ownership is taken for themselves and they face their lives directly, without blame so they can begin to make better choices and see options beyond their eating disorder.
10. An eating disorder can be a false pursuit of approval. Many women with eating disorders have substitute approval for true acceptance and as a substitute for love. Approval becomes a false form of worship in which they let go of everything else that has meaning or matters in life. Healing happens with inner approval, which can bring peace, comfort, and hope rather than worry, anxiety, and pressure to please others. Love is a change agent. Approval is not. Self love is the key to healing.

Source: Hardman, R.K., Berrett, M.E., Eating Disorder Recovery: A Spiritual Perspective, Hope and Healing, August 31, 1999, Vol. 4, No. 3